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June 2011 Newsletter

Letter to Friends

Newsletter of the Santa Fe Monthly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends


Sixth Month 2011


Calendar of Events


Meeting for Worship at the Meetinghouse, 630 Canyon Road is held every Sunday at 9:00 a.m. and 11:00 a.m. First Day School is during the 11:00 a.m. Meeting. Singing is at 10:00 a.m. each Sunday.

The South Santa Fe Worship Group holds Meeting for Worship every Sunday at 10:30 a.m. on the top floor of 1730 Camino Carlos Rey.

Sunday, 6/05 9:00 Ministry and Oversight Committee; 12:30 p.m. Potluck
Sunday, 6/12 10:10 2nd Sunday Discussion
Sunday, 6/19 12:30 Meeting for Worship for Business
Sunday, 6/26 12:30 Adult Education Committee Discussion


The Monthly Query for the 6th month, 2011


How do we discern the leadings of the spirit when we are led to speech and actions?”




June 1 – People for Peace meets the 1st Wednesday of the month at 7 pm. Meetings are held at the Commons Co-Housing, 2300 W. Alameda St. Questions to Linda Hibbs, 983-3906.

June 4 – Garden Committee invites you to join us in the garden this and every Saturday at 9:30 for the remainder of the summer. There are lots of gently tasks for all ages and abilities. Please come one and all join the committee to care for the garden. Thanks!

June 4 (Sat.) at 7:00 pm, Hymn singing at the home of Wyn Lewis. Meredith Little, pianist, and Eleonor Dart, soulful singer, make hymns rock at Pima Meeting.  On their way to Yearly Meeting, they'll be at Wyn's, and invite all Friends to join them for an evening of song. Wyn's at 214 Sereno Dr. in Casa Solana. Call for more info: 982-4588.

June 6-12 Inter-Mountain Yearly Meeting at Ghost Ranch; car pooling available, Bob Gaines, or 466-1746, if you are in need of a ride.

June 12th, Second Sunday Discussion will be on The FJ article, Diane Barounis' "Spiritual Materialism."  Copies of this article are now available beside the birdhouse in the library.   Everyone is invited to attend and share their thoughts on this most interesting topic.  The sharing will be held in the Meeting House, beginning promptly at 10:10 and closing at 10:50. Friends are also heartily encouraged to suggest other FJ articles they would like to have considered.  Please feel free to call Howard Shulman (984 - 9908) or Pamela Geyer (984 - 0377) with any questions.

June 26 - The Adult Education Committee usually holds a discussion after meeting on the last Sunday. This month’s topic is to be announced in the weekly digest.

Members/Attenders are reminded the Santa Fe Monthly Meeting accepts Automatic Contributions for donation; most banks and credit unions now offer a service -- typically free -- which allows you to set up an automatic payment on any frequency you desire.  There are two ways you might be able to set up an automatic payment: 1. Your bank or credit union will mail a check to the Meeting at 630 Canyon Road, Santa Fe, NM 87501; or 2. Your bank or credit union will transfer the money electronically to the Meeting's account at Guadalupe Credit Union (contact the treasurer for the Meeting's account number and GCU routing number). More information at

Members are reminded to go to for current action information from the Friends Committee on National Legislation.

South Santa Fe Quaker Worship Group: Quaker House, 1730 Camino Carlos Rey #209 Santa Fe NM 87507 (505) 471-2288. Meeting is held in a rust-red building on the short end of Camino Carlos Rey, northwest of Cerrillos Road. Worship is every Sunday at 10:30 a.m.

Please send newsletter comments or suggestions to Marcy Pompei @


Meeting for Worship with Attention to Business – May 15, 2011

In attendance: Bob Gaines (Clerk), Rebecca Allahyari, Kathleen Burke, Marty Carroll, Mary Ray Cate, Pam Gilchrist, David Giltrow, Peggy Giltrow, Lorraine Graham, Rebecca Henderson, Linda Hibbs, Jan-Willem Jansens, John Kretzmann, Wyn Lewis, Ted Pomeroy, Marcy Pompei and Alan Rogers. The meeting began at about 12:30 and ended abou 2:15.

Clerk Bob Gaines read a query for business meeting: "Are we aware that we speak through inaction as well as action?" (IMYM Faith and Practice, Queries, p. 121.)

Minutes for Fourth Month: Friends approved minutes as posted on the Meeting website.

Young Friends Committee, Jan-Willem Jansens: Parents of First Day School have been meeting to improve communication and cooperation with attention to several issues, including planning, conflict resolution and having a committee member attend Meeting for Business. Childcare for this last item is an unresolved issue. One goal is to pair a parent and non-parent for this service. A sign-up sheet will be placed on the First Day School door for "non-parents" to sign up. The YF Committee asks that Nominating Committee assist them in finding a convener for their committee. Wyn Lewis agreed for the Nominating Committee. A second issue for the parents is outreach to teens. They are working on ways to involve the young people in this development. Njoroge Tho-Bias has agreed to lead the formulation of this plan/curriculum. Parents are also involved in a plan to attend to clean up of the First Day School. YF Committee asked that funds to pay two people for two hours each be approved to provide childcare on May 29, 2011, for the Meeting for Worship for Listening. Friends approved up to $50.00. Friends accepted the report, which is appended to the minutes.

Residence Committee, Marty Carroll: Kathleen Burke has resigned effective October 31, 2011 to move to Austin, TX to assist her daughter in starting a new business. The committee has begun the search for a new Resident Friend. The Resident Committee Mission Statement and search announcement are posted on the website. The Resident Committee believes the two-year term for the Resident is too limiting and asks that the committee be given more flexibility in negotiating the length of Resident's term. The Committee will draft a policy for conideration at the next business meeting. Friends accepted the report.

Resident's Report, Kathleen Burke: Guest Apartment was occupied many nights in April. Kathleen is also liaison with Southside Worship Group and worshiped with them today. They were also holding their monthly long range planning session today. Friends accepted the report, which is appended to the minutes.

Envision Santa Fe, Kathleen Burke: A new representative will be needed to fill the Meeting's commitment from Kathleen's departure through October 2012. Kathleen will host the June monthly luncheon meeting for the Envision Santa Fe leadership in the Meetinghouse garden on June 14th. All of the Envision families are making progress toward permanent housing. One family has moved in and Kathleen and other Meeting members attended a House-warming. This is a critical period as the family adjusts to the 'rules' of the landlord and the more permanent conditions. Friends accepted the report.

First Day School Piano, Alan Rogers: Alan secured an appraisal of the piano and delivered it to David Giltrow of the Building Committee. Estimated value = $950.00. Repairs needed: tuning ($150.00); Hammers, dampers and strings ($800.00 or more); Refinishing (no quote). Marty Carroll has requested removing the piano from FDS to gain space. The Building Committee will arrange a new home for it.

Nominating Committee, Wyn Lewis: First Reading: Njoroge Tho-Bias is nominated for Ministry and Oversight Committee. On second reading Friends approved Shelley Cohen for Treasurer and Ann Beauchamp for Ministry and Oversight.

Ministry and Oversight Committee, Alan Rogers: Query for Sixth Month(based on IMYM query with changes by the committee): "How do we discern the leadings of the Spirit when we are led to speech and action?" Friends accepted the M&O monthly report and the M&O Report to Business Meeting on name calling and complimented the Committee on their work and arranging for the May 29 Meeting for Listening.

Finance, Peggy Giltrow: The annual internal audit by members of the Finance Committee is posted on the website. There were only two recommendations: 1) monthly reconciliation of bank statements and 2) consider insurance for the artwork of Olive Rush in the Meetinghouse. Treasurer Greg Cliburn will reconcile the bank statements in preparation for turning over the records to teh new treasurer. The Finance Committee will investigate the cost of an inventory and insurance and make a recommendation to the business meeting. The Committee recommended that one third of the bequest of Lee Carter go to the New Meetinghouse Fund for "bricks and mortar" and that the remainder go to the General Fund. Friends agreed to consider the recommendation at the next Meeting for Business. Friends accepted the Audit Report (posted on the website) and the Finance Committee Report, which is appended.

Treasurer, Peggy Giltrow (for Greg Cliburn): Friends accepted the report, which is appended to the minutes.

Peace and Social Concerns, Pam Gilchrist: Friends accepted the report, which is appended to the minutes.

Building Committee, David Giltrow: Three bids for re-roofing the Ramada ranged from $4,700.00 to $12,500.00. The high bid was taken as a sign that this was not a job they wanted. The lowest bidder was recommended by a contractor we use for other work and his bid appeared complete and thorough. He did not include insulation in the bid, but 3" of rigid insulation, the current recommended technique, brought his bid just above $6,000.00. The work will be scheduled to allow Kathleen time to prepare and perhaps use the Guest Apartment. Adobe work at our zaguan (entry on the East side) is needed. The Garden Committee asks that the contractor be instructed to be mindful of the garden in front of the Ramada. Friends accepted the Building Committee Report.

Several members attended the memorial service for Jean Malcolm on Saturday, May 14th.

Respectfully submitted,
Bob Gaines, Clerk and Ted Pomeroy, acting recorder



Envision Santa Fe Report
Kathleen will be hosting the next Envision Santa Fe steering committee meeting at the Meetinghouse. We will be needing a new liaison for this committee to start October 2011 to serve until October 2012 when our two year cycle is complete. This mainly requires representing us on the steering committee once each month at a luncheon meeting 11:30- 1pm, usually on a Tuesday.

Adelante and Faith at Work are looking for two more possible families with the Unitarian Church being the lead faith congregation. Three members attended the open house for our most recent family who is now living at the Sage Apartments. The family served refreshments and we contributed a nice outdoor patio basket to welcome them. Adelante and the mentors will be offering a lot of assistance in the next three months which is a critical time for a homeless family to transition into permanent housing..

The family with the young pregnant mom has split up with the child's father but his family has indicated they would like to help. This family is housed at the moment with the third family doing well and on a wait list for Sage Apartments.

There may be a newsletter for resource people over the summer months with the public education component waiting until September.

If you feel you may be interested in taking on the liaison position please contact Kathleen to learn more

Peace and Social Concerns Committee Meeting, May 15, 2011

Attendees: David Henkel, convenor, Jonathan Cartland, Pamela Gilchrist, Lorraine Graham, Rebecca Henderson, Rebecca Cecil, Michael Simon, Njoroge Tho-Biaz.

Our meeting began with a period of silence.

We read and discussed the draft minute on Ecological Sustainability and Earth Care posted on, which we will further edit and mine for queries in preparation for a threshing session in late summer/fall.

The GreenFaith conference May 6-8 at United Church was attended by members of several local congregations, including Santa Fe Friends Meeting. We plan to network and strengthen our collective voice in addressing issues of sustainability and creation care. Peace and Social Concerns will read the GreenFaith website, to explore how we might use some of their programs.

Immigration Issues will again be addressed at IMYM in June. Attenders are encouraged to read the background documents on the web site,, to prepare for discussing the spiritual foundation of these issues as well as a threshing session at the General Business Meeting.

Our meeting closed with silent worship.


M&O report to Business Meeting 5th Month 2011 (Corrected)


M&O met on 5/8/11 in First Day School room at 9 AM. Present were Bob Gaines (ex-officio), Pam Gilchrist, Rebecca Henderson, John Kretzman and Alan Rogers.

Following a period of silence those present shared with each other how they were doing individually.

Minutes from 2nd month (corrected) and 4th month were approved.

We finalized plans to present out report to Business Meeting regarding our re-evaluation of what we have come to call “Adults in Conflict over name-calling in First Day School”. We planned a Meeting for “Listening with Compassion regarding the report of M&O on “Adults in Conflict over name-calling in First Day School”. That Meeting will be on May 29th at 12:30 following rise of Meeting for Worship. The structure and process of the Meeting was discussed and agreed to. A special announcement was to be sent to those on the email list and via regular mail for those who received information in that manner (this has occurred). (See attached)

The proposed query for 6th month was taken from IMYM Faith and Practice regarding service and was modified a bit. It is, "How do we discern the leadings of the spirit when we are led to speech and action?"

Respectfully submitted,
Alan Rogers

Meeting for Worship for Listening with Compassion regarding the report of Ministry and Oversight on "Adults in conflict over name calling in First Day School"

On May 29 at rise of Meeting, 12:30 to 2pm, there will be a Meeting for Worship for Listening with Compassion regarding the report of Ministry and Oversight on "Adults in conflict over name calling in First Day School."

The purpose of the meeting is to find compassion for one another and seek reconciliation where there is resentment or conflict. This meeting will not rehash the incidents or look for blame -- rather it will be a call to think of how others need our tenderness and how we can open our hearts to one another.

This Meeting for Worship with attention to the report of M & O will be clerked by M & O. We will start by a reading of the report (see below). We will then present guidelines and ask for any additions to the guidelines (see below). We will then settle into silent worship for about 15 minutes after which we will open to sharing as worship continues. If a sense of the Meeting emerges a minute may be prepared.

For Ministry and Oversight
Alan Rogers & John Kretzmann, co-clerks, Pam Gilchrist, Rebecca Henderson, Bob Gaines (ex officio)

M & O Report to Business Meeting


In the last few months, Ministry and Oversight has been seeking to understand the residual effects of what we have decided to call "adults in conflict over name-calling in the First Day School" -- the name-calling among the children in 2007-2009 and the ways it was handled by the parents, FDS teachers, others in the Meeting, and Ministry and Oversight.

Ministry and Oversight has met or corresponded with 17 people -- all those whom we believed were affected by the name-calling and its aftermath or might have information about it. Most of the interviews -- some lasting more than an hour -- focused on 7 questions we developed to elicit the person's recollection of what happened and what they felt needed to be done. We transcribed our notes of these interviews, and most were then reviewed by the person interviewed. The members of M & O individually reviewed all of the interview notes.

During a six-hour meeting Ministry and Oversight held the findings in a spirit of worship and of deep listening, reading aloud the interview notes and the correspondence. We carefully sifted the often-conflicting accounts of actions and motives attributed, but still it has been impossible to establish a definitive narrative of what may have happened since 2007.

We think this is not unusual in light of the passage of time and differences in perception and memory. However, we see that several people are still deeply affected by the precipitating incidents and the subsequent attempts to address them, so we feel it is necessary to provide a brief account of what seems to have occurred and our recommendations for those involved and the Meeting.

What We Have Found:
Beliefs varied about whether the incidents at issue constituted "innocent name-calling," "bullying," or "name-calling referring to racial differences." Some of the adults' beliefs about the name-calling and their reactions revealed that they felt hurt and accused. Ministry and Oversight formed a clearness committee to meet with the parents concerned and, if possible, to bring them together to seek reconciliation. However, the committee members did not understand that this was their purpose, and the ensuing delays and confusion left the parents unresolved and unhappy with the efforts of the committee and M & O. Two parents and one child subsequently stopped attending Meeting.

Some adults believed that they were called "racist." Others felt that they were blamed for not acting in a timely or Quakerly manner. Still others were disappointed that our community was not able to deal with this matter more promptly and effectively. Some felt that there was an air of secrecy surrounding what happened and that this has been detrimental to the Meeting.

It is our impression that concerns about this conflict continue to plague us because it revealed some of our individual short-comings -- for one, the very human propensity to avoid conflict -- and we get defensive. This is not unusual in a group our size. We all have short-comings, we all get defensive at times, and we all are capable of saying unkind things. Yet at the same time we have high expectations of ourselves and others.

We also found that strong beliefs and assumptions were formed on the basis of second- and third-hand information. These beliefs and assumptions were not confirmed directly with the person(s) concerned, but they were still passed on to others. The parents involved felt friendless or that those whom they considered friends had turned against them.

We also see that there are continuing concerns because there was no public explanation by M & O of its efforts to respond to the conflicts among the adults involved. M & O normally maintains confidentiality about its work with individuals, but in this case we see now that the lack of information about M & O's efforts was not good for the Meeting nor the individuals involved. The rumor mill flourished and beliefs and assumptions hardened.

Finally, the belief of some that the name-calling was racially motivated introduced an emotionally-charged issue that complicated greatly the attempts to address the conflicts among the adults directly involved and increased the tensions within the Meeting.

We live in a racially-divided society, and that has profound implications for all of us. Children must learn what hurts others and how not to cause hurt, but just how this should be accomplished is difficult and requires sensitivity to the concerns of all involved. It is no surprise that we were not always successful in our efforts, either as parents, teachers, or concerned adults.

We make these recommendations to the entire Meeting as a reminder of the good order of Friends:
First, if you have a disagreement with a person and hope for a resolution, go directly to that person. If that does not work, ask to meet when each of you can have a friend to help you listen and seek resolution. Or, ask the advice of a person you deeply trust to help you find a solution for the conflict, or, if necessary, a way to accept the differences troubling you. If these traditional practices of Friends don't lead to resolution, bring the conflict to Ministry and Oversight so that the disagreement can be brought into the context of prayer and the good of the Meeting as a whole, as well as the good of the individuals involved. We remind Friends that M & O is not a therapy group, nor is its primary task the resolution of conflict. We can, however, assist with traditional Friends practices and hold each one involved in the Light.

Second, do all you can to broaden your own listening skills and school your reactions to events and comments in a way that promotes honesty and integrity. Learn to understand the context in which disagreements and injustices occur and the cultural and racial sensitivities of others. Cultivate a forgiving spirit within yourself and bring things to the best source of strength and light that you can. And above all, cultivate all the ways that kindness can be expressed.

Third, if you observe a conflict that needs resolution, talk to the parties involved, not just to your closest friends. Learn personal skills of appropriate intervention. Don't just expect someone else to take care of it -- each of us bears the responsibility for the good order of the Meeting.

Finally, "Friends are advised to maintain love and unity, to avoid tale-bearing and detraction, and to settle differences in a manner free from resentment and inward violence. Live affectionately as friends, entering with sympathy into the joys and sorrows of one another's daily lives....Bear the burdens of one another's failings; delight in one another's strengths." (IMYM Faith and Practice, Advices and Queries, pg 123)

Recommendations to the Individuals Involved or Affected by This Incident:
Recall the words of Isaac Penington (1667): "Our life is love, and peace, and tenderness; and bearing one with another, and forgiving one another, and not laying accusations against another; but praying one for another and helping one another up with a tender hand."

Cultivate a spirit of forgiveness and understanding for those whom you feel have put you in the wrong. Take the initiative, as some are doing, perhaps with the help of a friend, to meet with those with whom you feel you are not in unity. Assume that the outcome will be positive. Be willing to assume the best about the other.

Come to M & O if you are still unresolved about the name-calling or its repercussions.

The Next Step
To help us learn from this experience and to become more compassionate toward those with whom we have differences, M & O is arranging a "Listening with Compassion" meeting on May 29 at rise of Meeting, 12:30 to 2pm, where all concerned will have an opportunity to listen deeply and to be compassionately heard.

Guidelines for the Listening with Compassion Meeting

* "Friends are advised to maintain love and unity, to avoid tale-bearing and detraction…” and to hold tenderly all that is said here today.

* When you speak, speak from your own experience, perspective and emotions, with confidence that you will be heard.

* Think how you might listen to each other with more compassion than we ordinarily show.

* Try to listen and observe the facts as each person speaks, recognizing that this is their truth that they express at this time.

* Be aware of what your emotions are and try not to visibly show them while someone is speaking. This is the speaker’s time, not yours.

* Listen with an ear to understanding what emotion, needs, and insights the speaker is expressing.

* Be aware of what your emotions would be if you were in the situation being described.

* Please do ask clarifying questions, but keep them neutral. For example, ask “What did you think was meant by x?” rather than, “How could you possibly think that x meant y?”

* Leave some time after each person speaks before the next person speaks; speak a second time only after all have spoken.

* The clerk will remind participants if they stray from the guidelines.

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